Comedy Tonight! (Part Deux)

Our assignment?  To write a comedy song for the dark dramedy turned HBO miniseries, Angels in America.  We could use any character we wanted, any moment we wanted and any style we wanted, as long as it made sense with the overall 'feel' of the piece.

My collaborator on this was the amazingly talented Ross Patterson.  We decided to write a song for a moment where Roy Cohn and Martin Heller are trying to convince the young (closeted) Joe that he should take a job in Washington D.C.  Roy had offered to help Joe with the position a while ago, but Joe is reluctant because his wife doesn't want to move.

Below is our first attempt at the scene/song...Enjoy!

Comrades!

Music by Ross Patterson, Lyrics by Lee Cavellier

 

The scene opens on restaurant.  Roy and Martin are sitting close to one another, across the table from Joe.  Martin has clearly been talking at length.

MARTIN

(Convincing.)

It’s a revolution in Washington, Joe!

ROY

 Aw, shut the fuck up, Martin.

(to Joe.)

You see that?

(Music.  VERSE, RECIT:)

NOW WATCH ME AND TRY TO MAKE SENSE, IF YOU CAN

AS THIS JEW SAYS ‘FUCK YOU’ TO THE MAN’S RIGHT HAND MAN.

AM I BALLSY, OR STUPID?  OR PART OF SOME CLAN?

OH, NO.  THAT AIN’T IT KID…

IT’S JUST THAT THERE’S SOMETHING BETWEEN US, YA SEE?

HE TAKES NO OFFENSE ‘CUZ HE’S LOYAL TO ME.

HEY MARTIN... 

MARTIN

YES, ROY?

 

ROY

RUB MY BACK AND AGREE…

(Martin gives Roy a look.  Roy speaks cooly.)

No, no really, a sore spot.  I get them all the time now, these…Rub it for me, darling.  Would you do that?

(Martin rubs Roy’s back.  SUNG:)

I AIN’T FULL OF SHIT, KID!

(CHORUS.)

HOW’D ST. PETERSBURG, IN JUST ONE DAY, TURN INTO LENINGRAD?

THOSE ‘BULL-SHIT-VIKS’ WERE MAD,

BUT KNEW JUST WHAT THEY HAD…

THEY HAD COMRADES!

THEY HAD FRIENDS!

AND WHO COULDN’T SEE THE CHEMISTRY BETWEEN THESE LITTLE LARKS?

THE AIR WAS FILLED WITH SPARKS,

WHEN ENGELS FIRST MET MARX.

THEY WERE COMRADES! 

Right Martin?

THEY WERE FRIENDS!

A FRIEND CALLS YOU OUT WHEN YOU’RE CRASS.

AND IN THE DARK IN CENTRAL PARK,

A FRIEND WILL ALWAYS WATCH YOUR ASS

 

A FRIEND’S BY YOUR SIDE, THIN AND THICK.

A FAITHFUL JACK WILL RUB YOUR BACK

AND THEN MASSAGE YOUR GREAT BIG EGO!

SO, JOE, LET ME DO THIS FAVOR, YOU CAN’T SAY ‘NO WAY’ TO ME,

JUST TELL ME THAT YOU’LL BE

MY ‘ROYBOY’ IN D.C.!

BE MY COMRADE…

BE MY ALLY…

BE MY FRIEND!

(A false finish, as Roy and Martin both stare at Joe, awaiting a response.  The music keeps starting and stopping in an anticipatory riff.  Joe looks stunned.  After a couple of riffs, the normal underscore starts up.)

MARTIN

(Convincing.)

This man, Joe, is a Saint of the Right.

JOE

I know, Mr. Heller, I…

ROY

You see what I mean, Martin?  He’s special, right?

(BRIDGE.)

HE’S GOT GRAVITY, DECENCY, SMARTS.

MARTIN

Don’t embarrass him, Roy!

ROY

 (to Martin.)

HE’S A WHOLE LOT GREATER THAN THE SUM OF YOUR PARTS!

WELL, IF WASHINGTON’S SICK, HE’S THE CURE…

THE KID PISSES RAINBOWS, HIS HEART’S SO DAMN PURE!

MARTIN

We’re on the move, Joe.  On the move.

JOE 

Mr. Heller, I…

MARTIN

We can’t wait any longer for an answer.

(Roy and Martin both stare awkwardly at Joe.  The music keeps starting and stopping in an anticipatory riff.  The riff continues under the following awkward exchange.)

JOE

Oh, Um, I…

ROY

Joe’s a married man, Martin.

MARTIN

Aha.

ROY

With a wife.  She doesn’t care to go to D.C., and so Joe cannot go.  And keeps us dangling.  We’ve seen that kind of thing before, haven’t we?  These men and their wives.

MARTIN

 Oh yes. Beware.

JOE

 I really can’t discuss this under…

MARTIN

Then don’t discuss.  Say yes, Joe.

 

ROY

SO YOU’VE GOT A WIFE WHO’S GOT A LIFE SHE DOESN’T WISH TO QUELL?

SIMPLY LOOK HER IN THE EYE AND TELL ‘ER

THAT SHE CAN GO STRAIGHT TO HELL…ER!

MARTIN

…and I’ll set her straight!

ROY

Come on, Joe…

BE MY COMRADE!

 

JOE

It’s just that…

MARTIN

(Backing up Roy, encouragingly.)

SAY YES, SAY YES, SAY YES!

ROY

BE MY CONFIDANTE!

 

MARTIN

(Backing up Roy.)

YES, I WILL! YES, I WILL!

ROY

(growing frantic.)

BE MY COMRADE!  BE MY CRONY!

BE MY FAN! BE MY STUD! 

BE MY BOOSTER!  BE MY INTIMATE,

A WINGMAN TO THIS DUD!

BE MY BOOTS WHEN IT’S MUDDY,

BE MY BROTHER, BE MY BUDDY!

JOE

 Buddy?

ROY

Buddy!

MARTIN

Say yes, Joe!

 

ROY

Now. Now.  I’ll hold my breath till you do, I’m turning blue waiting…

ROY

 

NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW…! 

Now, goddammit!

MARTIN

 Roy, calm down, it’s not…

 

ROY

 

Aw, fuck it.
(Chord.  He takes a letter from his jacket pocket, hands it to Joe.)
Read.  Came today.

(END OF SONG.)

And now, some extra fun!!

Since a blog is nothing without it's readers, I am going to invite YOU to be part of the process!

Let's face it, turn of the 20th century Russian revolution references are hilarious...

Leave a comment below, with the clever 'comrade' reference you'd have included in the piece!

Until next time...

-Lee

...of 'Lee'rical Wordplay...

.....in case there was any question...

Comedy Tonight!

Nothing portentous or polite...!

I'm sure most of you have heard the story about the song that this post is titled after...but for those who haven't, let me quickly recant:

In the early 60's, 'A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum' was in previews, and getting less than positive response.  Ticket sales were low and people had difficulty figuring out why.  The songs were good...the book was funny...the cast was wonderful...

Enter Jerome Robbins, called in by director George Abbott and producer Hal Prince to give advice and implement changes to help the show.  Robbins looked at the piece as a whole, and made the suggestion to change the opening number, requiring Sondheim to scrap the original tune 'Love Is In The Air' and replace it with something that set the show up as the bawdy comedy they were going for.  Thus was born the current opening to the show, 'Comedy Tonight'.

There's a lot to be learned from this story. (Whether my retelling was 100% accurate or not.)  The strongest lessons are two-fold.  First, your opening number MUST set the show up properly, and let the audience know what to expect.  Set up the wrong expectation and they'll be confused about what you're going for.  More on this to come when we discuss 'Opening Numbers'.

And two...A WELL-PLACED COMEDY SONG CAN WORK WONDERS!

What is a comedy song?

A comedy song is a number that is specifically meant to make the audience laugh.  Hopefully out loud.  As obvious as that logic is, the actual execution of such a song is very difficult.  The music and lyrics have to work together in many ways to set up the joke, land punchlines, and proffer subtle musical hints with flares of levity.  That all said, when done correctly, a comedy song is truly a thing of beauty!


Examples of wonderfully placed/executed Comedy Songs:

- "Gee, Officer Krupke" (from West Side Story)  This is a great tune, and it's placement varies depending on the production.  The film places the song towards the end of Act 1, just before the rumble.  This positioning allows the song to break from the romance/feud story for a moment, before the big brawl where (spoiler alert) Riff and Bernardo die.  The original placement is just over halfway through Act 2.  This may seem an odd choice at first, but if you look closer, it makes a lot of sense.   There is a gravity to the song, an extra layer following the death of the two young men.  A certain desperation comes through that does not exist, in the same way, earlier in the show.  So although the song is still very humorous, it is also sadder and more poignant.

- "You Can Be As Loud As The Hell You Want (When You're Makin' Love)" (from Avenue Q)  It's easy to think that every tune in this hilarious show is a Comedy Song, but that's not the case.  Most of the other numbers are building relationships...are giving us necessary insight into the characters...are furthering plot.  This particular song doesn't tell us any one's thoughts or desires, but functions to stretch out an event (Princeton and Kate Monster getting physical) that we needn't see, but does so in such an outrageously humorous way that we find ourselves laughing out loud at something as awkward and obscene as puppets having sex!  (P.S.  I absolutely saw this show with my Mother at one point...I don't recommend this.)

- "What A Game" (from Ragtime)  First of all, this in one of my favorite songs in musical theatre.  I have a soft spot for male ensemble numbers, and this one is so clever and wonderfully written/utilized.  Father has returned, and is attempting to reconnect with his family, and re assimilate to 'home'.  The problem is that nothing is like it was when he left, and this number shows us (in a hilarious way) just how much things have changed.


And now, some extra fun!!

Since a blog is nothing without it's readers, I am going to invite YOU to be part of the process!

There are a million and one examples of Comedy Songs out there that I could have chosen. I bet you know some, too!

Leave a comment below, with the title of a Comedy Song (and the show it's from), then tell us why you believe it should be considered as such!

I look forward to learning of some new ones!

Until next time...

-Lee

...of 'Lee'rical Wordplay...

.....in case there was any question...